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So last week I was on vacation and I realized there are two types of people:

1. The person that takes a drink from the fridge.
2. The person that takes a drink from the fridge and restocks it with one or more.

The first enjoys their cold drink while someone else gets stuck with a warm one, the second enjoys a cold drink alongside a friend who enjoys a cold drink too. The first leaves things worse off, the second leaves things as good or better as they were before. The first is a taker, the second is at least a giver as much as they are a taker.

When I was little I wanted to be a professional soccer player. And if I would have worked hard enough, I probably could have been. After I slacked off for a couple of years in high school and realized I didn’t want it bad enough to work that hard, I wanted to be a doctor. That lasted five minutes. Five minutes of a Biology class that led to the realization that memorization wasn’t my forte. As I started college I thought I wanted to be a politician. This lasted at least a solid ten minutes. I couldn’t convince myself that I could do it without selling out on certain core values I had decided to live my life by. Not that all politicians sell out, I just didn’t think I could do it. As I grew up and smartened a bit, I realized that I didn’t know what I wanted to be but I was sure of a few things:

• I wanted to do something that would make me happy everyday.
• I wanted to make the people around me happy everyday.
• I wanted to choose the people I work with.
• I wanted to be really good at whatever it was I did.

This ultimately led to starting a couple of businesses. All of which is a long story that has a place in a different blog entry, but not this one. Recently, I gave some thought to my previous aspirations and I found a trend. The trend that follows suit in being a professional athlete, a doctor, a politician, or running my own business is that I wanted to do something extraordinary. And very recently I figured out why – I want to be the person that leaves things better than they were before. I want to the kind of person that truly has a positive impact on every person, event, or project I touch.

A few weeks ago I had an ex-girlfriend give me the biggest compliment I could ever receive. She said, “Brian, I want you to know that dating you made me a better person”. I was speechless…And I was addicted. I want to do that to everyone now.

Here is the challenging part and where the extraordinary comes in. I want to do this on a large scale. I want my circle of influence to be huge. So huge that I can positively effect the masses. I don’t want to run a fortune 500 company to be rich, I want it so I can influence everyone attached to the company.

Anyone who knows me well knows that I have been given a lot in life – great parents, great family, great friends, a level head, ridiculous good looks : ) And because I have been given so much, I feel compelled to live up to an extremely high level of potential. Anything short of being on the cover of Time magazine before I’m 30, President of the U.S. by 40, and winning a Nobel prize by 50 - and I feel I am simply not reaching my potential. Most of the time I am aware this isn’t the type of success I am striving for, but still I feel obligated to do something amazing. And that something amazing I hope to achieve, as abstract as it might sound, is to expand my circle of influence and positively effect every single person or thing within it. Basically, when I grow up I want to the be the person that takes a drink from the fridge and restocks it with one or more.

It’s that place where you don’t feel nervous, you don’t feel awkward, and risk is at a minimum. It’s when you are with your friends, behind your computer desk, or participating in an activity that you dominate. It’s called your comfort zone.  I’m here to tell you to get out of it and spend more time in what I like to call your “irrational fear” zone. Sure, life is easier in your comfort zone, but since when was easier better.

Speaking in public used to be part of my irrational fear zone. I wasn’t all that great at it and it inevitably made me nervous. Then one day I was forced to give a presentation for a concept to millionaire investors. Talk about being intimidated. These guys meant business, and even though I only had 5-10 minutes of their time, I knew their time was valuable. I prepared for those 5 minutes for about 50 hours. As a result, I nailed it. I no longer get nervous speaking in front of anyone. Turns out I’m actually quite good at it. That is why I call it your irrational fear zone. You really have no good reason to be afraid of trying it other than it isn’t something you are used to doing.

This is the cool thing about getting out of your comfort zone - the more you challenge yourself in your irrational fear zone, the more your comfort zone will expand. As your comfort zone expands, you’ll be able to accomplish more. It will make you better at getting what you want. Talk about an edge on the rest of the world.  You are now succeeding at things most people wont even attempt!

How does one get out of their comfort zone? Well, the first step is defining what isn’t in your comfort zone. For guys, one area is always girls. No matter how cool, smooth, or confident a guy appears, girls are his kryptonite. Other examples of irrational discomfort might be participating in class activities, speaking up at a business meeting, dancing at a wedding, or even something as simple as looking people in the eye when you talk. Basically, all things that involve the potential for failure or rejection. Once you’ve defined what isn’t in your comfort zone, the second step is facing those irrational discomforts. In other words, just do it. Try it, fail at it, get back up and try it again.

“Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action.”
Benjamin Disraeli, former British Prime Minister

Once you try it enough, you master it and it becomes comfortable. And just like that your comfort zone expanded - Ergo, Vis-à-vis, Concordently.

The constant battle for anyone who is truly good at what they do is to find a balance between coming across as confident or arrogant.  I once had a professor who was reviewing my graduate school application say, “You sound a little arrogant in your application letter…I like it.”

I think most people will praise confidence but might detest arrogance. It is often tough to take one without the other though.

The truth of the matter is, people who are the best at what they do got their because they had tons of confidence. They were constantly telling themselves they were the best. And sometimes that confidence can sound like arrogance. Every professional athlete, Nobel Prize winner, or President of the United States faced adversity at some point in their life. They overcame it and rose to the top because they were confident and probably a little bit arrogant. Confidence is so important. It drives how you present yourself and can be the difference between success and failure. In sports, confident players want to control the game, therefore they do. The players who lack confidence don’t want the pressure, so they don’t get the opportunities to make big plays. It is the same in so many other areas of life – confident guys get prettier girls, confident students test better and as a result get better grades, confident presenters win the prizes (sometimes this can be investment money, sometimes an election). The point is, confidence is important and if it has to come with a downside in the form of some arrogance, I say take it.

If I had to choose an employee for my company or a player for my team, I would always pick the confident candidate that might be tied with some arrogance over the insecure candidate who might fold under pressure. All other things equal, the confident candidate will rise to the top more often.